Recently I had a conversation with a girl I follow on twitter about feelings like she will never find a boyfriend
. It was one of those light-hearted, self loathing conversations that one has with a person when they genuinely feel distressed about something, but doesn't want them to feel uncomfortable. But I knew something serious
was going on underneath our jokes.
Certainly most people at one time or another have felt like they would be alone forever
, and in their hyperbolic anxiety, felt bad about themselves. There have been many times where I have thought about the prospect of never being in love and it made me fall into tears. Most of the people I know (people in their 20's) complain about never finding someone and I feel like they are being completely delusional.
They are great people and if they want love and keep looking they will find someone. Probably within the next month or so. (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ
I am not going to lie, there have been times where I hated being single
. I wanted someone to talk to, someone to tell me I would be okay, to tell me I'm smart or pretty. Someone to go to the movies with or to help me get home when I'm stranded at the mall in a thunderstorm. Someone to talk to at parties. Someone to share my hobbies with and tell my problems to. Someone to have sex with and get to know intimately. But these are all selfish fantasies
and when I looked at them, I realized these were all things that I wanted from another person but could just get from myself
, if I learned self-reliance
For myself, I have never been in love
and feel like I never will
. I am just now in a place, mentally and emotionally, where I can handle this fact.
Why is it a fact? Because I know myself. Firstly, I am a completely unconventional person in the way I dress and behave in a city where most heterosexual males are very traditional and small-minded. I am completely closed off and emotionally distant which would make most men turned off when they meet me. I am "complicated" (not in a cute, quirky Zoey Deschanel way lol) and make even getting to know me an ordeal. I have very high standards and (most importantly) I don't feel as if I have the emotional tools to love another person. These are choices I have made to make my life easier and I stand by them. So why do I feel so empty?
Recognize propaganda when you see it!
Maybe its because we have been taught by society to want a relationship. Especially as girls, we have been force fed the Disney prince fantasy/Barbie & Ken romance
since we were babies, and this is hard to shake. We have to reprogram ourselves to not seek fulfillment outside of ourselves. We don't need a person to make us happy
, especially when that person may be using us or unreliable, you can always rely on yourself, right? See my earlier post
about being happy while being alone
We feel like if a person doesn't love us, we are unlovable and that is not true. Lets flip it. We all know someone in a long, loving relationship who is a complete psycho bitch right? Well just because someone hasn't found out how lovely you are
doesn't say anything about you, with or without someone you are still the same person! Still fabulous!
I'm not trying to discourage people from seeking out relationships but consider the fact that in most parts of the (at least western) world you don't need someone for financial assistance, to travel with, to have children with (hello artificial insemination!) or to have fun with.
Being single has more benefits than being with someone.
- Come and go as you please! No one calling you asking you were you are!
- Spend all your money on yourself! No expensive dates for you!
- Masturbation! Come on, who knows how to touch you better than you! None of that awkward excusing and placating when they can't get you off. All you need is a locked door and some strong batteries!
- Watch the shows and movies you want to watch. If I want to watch The Housewives of Atlanta marathon goddammit I'm doing it.
- No one to tell you what to wear or that they don't like your friends or that they don't like your mom's homemade mac and cheese. None of that noise!
- You don't have to do anything you don't want to do and you can sleep with whomever you want.
And if I haven't convinced you yet. Listen to her Highness Queen Bee tell you all about it.