Saturday, May 25, 2013

Help! I'm a girl and I have a crush on my girl friend!

Help me Monster Girl! 
I'm a girl and recently a friend of mine (also a girl) has started dating a new boy. I was very excited for her in the beginning but then I started feeling really jealous, especially when its just the three of us. I cringe when they hug, I feel sick when they kiss and don't even get me started when they do all the cutesy, baby talk that couples do. I discovered that my jealousy came from the feelings I have for her, the romantic feelings that I have for her. What should I do? I don't want to ruin my friendship, but I can't deny my feelings for her. HELP! 

In the eternal words of my fantasy gay grandpa, George Takei, Oh my! You've got quite the not-so-really love triangle going on.  But I have been through the same thing many times in my life. When we build relationships between people, we often begin to feel feelings that are not defined as being the strictly platonic heterosexual relations that happen between friends. It's natural to love our friends, but consider their feelings too. Love your friend, channel this crush into a healthy loving friendship but don't take it too far. But lets be real, she's not dating you, she's dating him. It's not your place to intersect into their relationship, it's not right. That's your friend right? You care for her? Then respect her decision to date whomever she so chooses. Also you have to decide what is more important to you, your friendship or these feelings?  And I hate to be a buzzkill but these feelings only surfaced because she was in a relationship with someone else, maybe you are jealous of the time she's spending with someone else and you're getting a little possessive. That's why I say chill, just keep being a good friend and be there for her. Support her, and hopefully you'll be able to figure out how to love her, as a friend.
In the meantime, listen to this song about girl crushes called "Jenny" by Studio Killers

Have question for me?? Fill out my formspring and tell me what's going on! Let me help!

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Why You're Single

Having recently renounced any search for a relationship in the bid for a more peaceful and internally beneficial life, I still have my hang ups. Why am I still single? Is it the negativity, the narcissism, the love of animated cartoon porn? I don't have an answer for that. I just know that right now, here, at this age, I'm single and I don't know when I won't be. It may be soon it may be never. I just read this on Thought Catalog a couple of days ago and I wanted to share it with you.

                                                               Why You’re Single

OCT. 17, 2012
You’re single because you’re single. It’s not because you texted too much or too little or waited 33 minutes to respond because he took 23. It’s not because you met up with your ex that night at 5 a.m. that no one knows about, or because you kissed another boy after a date with a loser.
You’re not single because you spit food on that date or tripped coming out the the movie theatre. You’re not single because you hurt your first boyfriend really badly when you were 15 or because you have yet, to this day, to apologize. It’s not because you were secretly jealous when your friend got a boyfriend or that a guy you dated for two months now has a really cute girlfriend and looks really happy. And you’re happy for him. But still ill that he found someone before you.
You’re not single because you slept with your ex boyfriend. You’re not single because half the world found out when you didn’t even want to remember it yourself. You’re not single because you think the guy your friend wants to hook you up with is ugly or not tall enough. It’s not because you’re not willing to put up with someone who doesn’t brush their teeth on a regular basis.
You’re not single because your standards are too high. Good for you for having standards. It’s not because you didn’t like that really, really good guy who wanted to take you on a date and you just weren’t feeling it. And it’s not because you like to wear pajama pants as soon as you get home and wash all the makeup off your face. You’re not single because you didn’t learn enough from the past or would rather chill on a Friday night with your blanket and a cold beer than shower, get ready, and go out. You’re not single because something is wrong with you.
You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now. TC Mark

Found here at Thought Catalog

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

I Like Your Face: Tom Hiddleston edition

I first saw you in Thor, then in the Avengers as the villainous and oh so cheeky Loki and I knew it was love. We locked eyes through the theater screen and I could tell you felt it too. You were looking for love, love from a family so different from yourself, and I was looking for you. Aww yeah. Those gorgeous crystal-like eyes staring back at me, those taunting lips and cheekbones like razor blades jutting from your angel like face,  all composed like a melody, a sexual melody. So here, in tribute to that gorgeous face, a post entire dedicated to your man beauty. 

Check him out next in "Only Lovers Left Alive", where he plays vampire(!!!)

Friday, May 17, 2013

Girl's Guide to Drinking

Vodka. Rum. Pinot Grigio. Jungle Juice. Rum Gigglers. Buttery Nipples. Lemoncello. Long Island Ice Tea. Jack and Coke. Appletini. Chambord. Champagne. Margarita. Mimosa. 
What are these magical items you ask? These, my friend, are my source of power. Since the age of 21, I have been in love, in love with liquor. Something happened at that age, perhaps it was the weight of ageing or maybe the stress of living but alcohol offered me a sweet sweet release. Sounds like I'm in the early stages of alcoholism huh? Perhaps. But that's a bridge to cross another day! 

Let's talk about alcohol for a minute. While yes, drinking is not a joke, it shouldn't be abused, it should only be done in moderation and when you are drinking be mindful of what you can take, where you are, who you are with and how much you have had. 
Okay so now that I've said that, its time to get down to business! 
Okay so you're headed out with the girls and you've just had a shit day and was stood up by a guy you really wanted to meet for a long time; aka it is time to drink! But girl, listen getting tipsy is one thing, getting wasted is another having a drink and enjoying the relaxing affects of its tingly euphoria dripping up your spine making you forget your troubles and puking in your hair and crying your mascara off because fuck him he lost out on you is a whole nother animal. Believe me, if anyone understands drinking your problems away, its me but that was home alone with an Amy Whinehouse album. There's alot of things that can go wrong (and probably will go wrong). You will say something you didn't mean to say, something mean or something you weren't supposed to talk about. You will get depressed, because alcohol is a natural depressant and if you have any feelings on the surface of your mind that are negative or sad, they will bubble up. You will rip that gorgeous dress you just bought, loose those flaw-free earrings or trip on those mile high heels and bust your ass infront of that sexy ass bartender. Whatever. Drink. Go. Have fun. But there is a limit, where drinking is no longer fun and just a punishment for your poor innocent liver and the patience of all those around you. 
First tip, get something to eat. Having a tummy full of food actually makes your alcohol tolerance go up. Grab something carby, bread is good. Something with fiber that fills you up. Have a full glass of water before you start. 
Figure out how you are getting home/around. You are drinking yes, but how will you get home. Too often I see girls out drinking just wave goodbye to their girl friends or give the ol' "are you okay?? are you sure? okay bye". It has happened to me several times. Let me say this and I cannot stress it enough DO NOT LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS IF THEY HAVE BEEN DRINKING. NO. DON'T DO IT. If you are a girl or have girl friends get them home, make sure they have a safe way home. Wait with them until the taxi comes, or take them back to your place until their ride comes. Make sure they call you when they get home, if they don't call them all night until you hear from them. As women we have to look out for each other as sisters and make sure that we take care of each other. Arrange for someone to pick you up, have the number for a taxi (I have taxi on speed dial for 4 different cities), or negotiate a designated driver.
Okay so different types of drinks have different potencys. The higher the alcohol percentage the more alcohol it has in it, that may be obvious but look at the numbers. 12 ounces of beer is almost a tenth less alcohol than rum. You'd have to have a shit ton of Budweiser to equal an Irish Car Bomb.  
So if you're starting with shots understand that one shot does not equal one beer. Going back and forth between hard liquor and beer is not a good idea in general, it will make you drunker quicker, sicker quicker and you'll loose track of how many you've had because simple math is hard when you're sloshed. 
Vodka is my drink of choice, because it has no calories, doesn't give me a hangover and goes with any cocktail mix. Darker liquors like whiskey, Jagermeister, scotch, and bourbon have more of a concentration of liquor and work harder on your body. So take it easy on them. 
Korean pop star Boa enjoys a beer too!

Understand your body, regardless of our post feminist societal mindset, women have a lower tolerance for alcohol than men. Its just the way it is, it has to do with our metabolic rate not our capabilities as indivuals. We all know that you're a badass and more capable than any man in the workforce but girl, chill. Chugging beers is not making anyone take you more seriously except maybe the paramedics, they are waiting outside. How drunk we get has to do with our weights as well as gender and other factors such as genetic predispositions (my family are ALL lightweights as am I), how much your culture drinks (I'm looking at you France), and allergies to wheat, barley, hops and such. The chart below shows the blood alcohol level based upon how much you weigh and drink. 

 ***One drink=1 ounce of 80 proof spirits; 3 ounce glass of wine; or 8 ounce glass of 5% beer.

Jesus! 80 proof spirits! Wtf are you drinking? Gasoline?? Anyway. As you can tell it doesn't take a lot to be legally hammered. 
I'm not a big beer beer drinker, but I do know that there are 5 main types of beer. Pale ale, made of top fermenting yeast and predominately pale malt. Stout is dark beers using roasted malts or roast barley; these include Baltic stout, dry stout and Imperial stout. Mild ale has a malty palate and usually has a darker colour.  Wheat beer is brewed with a large proportion of wheat although it often also contains a significant proportion of malted barley. Lager is the English name for cool fermenting beers of Central European origin. Pale lagers are the most commonly consumed beers in the world. Another type is Lambic, a beer of Belgium, is naturally fermented using wild yeasts, rather than cultivated.In addition, other organisms such as Lactobacillus bacteria produce acids which contribute to the sourness.
I am a big cocktail drinker, the more stuff that goes in it, the more neon, the less I taste alcohol and bonus points if it emits steam or has an adorable umbrella, I'm all in it. But what has what in it? And will I like it? here are some popular combinations. The next time you are out, order one at the bar and try it. 

 Remember to pace yourself and drinking water between each drink is also a good way to stay non-nauseous. 
Indulging in spirits can be a fun way to relax once you've understood that it lies in moderation and is not a good long term way to solve your problems. Understanding it can deter abuse and can lead to a long, healthy, happy relationship with drink! Cheers! 

Music: Ms Lauryn Hill - Neurotic Society (Compulsory Mix)

She lives! Her last recorded album was in 2001 and we have missed her ever since. Not Lauryn Hill but MS. Lauryn Hill returns with a new album  a new record contract and record label and hopefully no jail time. The new single, that she was quoted as saying she had to release is a biting, rapid fire critique of modern society and its hypocrisies. Well one things for sure, she still has that flow.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Dating Sucks and So Do You

In 25 years I can say with certainty, I've never been in love. Sure I have experienced love, I love cheesecake, Hello Kitty, the feeling you get when you take off your bra/shoes after a long day. But another person? Not really. I can think of two possible candidates, my grandmother and Sabrina, a childhood friend who died when I was 13. But that love is the love a child feels for anyone who doesn't yell at them all the time.
But I want to. I do. Deep down inside of me there is a girl who craves to find someone who understands her, accepts her, loves her, finds her beautiful and wants to be with her, but that girl is deep, deep, deep, deep, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep down inside of me. On the surface is a girl who just wants to get laid and possibly spoon while watching The Walking Dead (no talking or boners please). And much like a zombie in search for warm, soft brains I go in search for warm, soft affection.
Surprisingly, I'm very popular on the internet, a direction contrast of real life. Not to brag (this is really nothing to brag about) but I get so many emails that I can't keep up, get so overwhelmed and disappear. So many shirtless abs, dirty bathroom mirrors, and fedoras I can't even stand it! I have been on Okcupid, Plenty of Fish, Geek2Geek, and Fetlife (don't ask), been on probably a dozen dates and most have been complete disasters. Whether it was the endless conversations about how much they miss their ex or telling me they know what women need and what is destroying America (starts with f and rhymes with geminism) they have been one tramatizing exercise in the horrors of heterosexuality. I am convinced its the men of my city, most of whom are plaid shirt wearing, inept, sports obsessed, beer belly, beard wearing, patriarch loving he men who enjoy women that remind them of either other men or younger versions of their mothers (complete with pastel polo shirt and khaki capris).
Recently I was stood up for a date, the second date within a week. The guy practically begged me for another chance (he had sudden emergencies twice before) and I gave it to him. His father had a heart attack he said, the last time he totalled his car and the time before his mother had to go to the hospital. This guy is either the unluckiest guy in the world or the universe is conspiring against his possibility to ever get laid. Maybe both. But needless to say I politely declined (read: called his ass and chewed him out via text and voive mail) to ever see him again and bid him good luck. Since he was the 2nd person to stand me up to see Iron Man 2 I took myself to see it. It was good. But I was still pissed off. Where does this guy get off thinking that he can cancel a date, for the third time, hours before, for the third time and just expect me to be stupid enough to want to hang out again?? Is my phone number 1-Please-Date-Me? No? I didn't think so. Too many letters.
So I have decided on a break. For one year, 12 months, 365 days I will not date. NO DATES. Not even a coffee date, not even a walk around the block, not even a ride home. I need to cleanse myself. Reorganize everything and understand what it is that I want. Am I really even looking for love? Or just a consistant fuck. I don't know. Am I looking for the one? What does that mean? My career is more important to me right now and if I have to be single for the rest of my life in exchange for being Oprah rich, sign me up! Love is nice, but it doesn't pay the rent.
So its just me, and my vibrator, for a year. I'm relieved. I need this. It's going to be good for me and really fucking hard. I crave affection. I just get the urge to hold someone and kiss them softly on the base of their back and trace their facial features with my finger while they sleep. I long for dinners for two, holding hands, catching a movie and reading together on stormy Sunday afternoons. I dream of falling asleep in someones arms, waking up to their sleepy face and laughing so hard that we beg for each other to stop. I yearn for inside jokes, marathon movie watching, and late night confessions.
I am not going to lower myself, change myself, dumb down myself, tone down myself, hide parts of myself, or comprimise myself to find some dude to hang out with. Thats just not me. I'd rather be miserable alone (like normal) than miserable with someone else.
So for a year, I'm going to be part of the single sorority, declinging even the most promising of dates. Not because it's good for me, but because I need it. The fear of dying alone or never experiencing affection again is very real for me and it makes me go out on these fruitless, bullshit dates. I need to confront it head on, so that I will no longer be a slave to the fear. I CAN be alone. I can and I will be okay.
Being alone is okay and I'm okay too.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Anime: Little Witch Academia

If you know me, you know that I'm crazy for anime. It all started in 1997 with bootleg Chinese copies of Sailor Moon, on VHS and it was love at first sight. Since then its been Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Dirty Pair, Akira, Neon Genesis Evangelion, FLCL, hentai, Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt, Otakon, Dragon Ball Z, cosplay, Eureka Seven and yaoi. Thousands of dollars and time later.... still addicted. So when I run into something new, I want to share and talk about it. 
This new title is called Little Witch Academia and to give you some background on it, the studio that produced it got a grant from the Japanese government to make it with young animators making their own movie! How awesome is that?!? The studio streamed the movie with English subtitles online to overseas markets and was released in the theaters March 2, 2013. 
If you like The Worst Witch, Harry Potter, Madoka Magica, Sugar Sugar Rune, magic, girls coming of age, dragons, and beautiful animation you've got to watch this short.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Make-up for People of Colour!

As a woman of colour there is nothing more frustrating than trying on make-up and not seeing anything on your face. You slather and apply and reapply and nothing. Not a damn thing is noticeable on your face. You've read the reviews, "Stays on all day!", "Makes my skin glow!", "So worth the money" but what the hell are they talking about?? Then you realize it, the make-up company did not make this for you, they made this make-up with white faces in mind. 
Often times I see make-up ads and I see beautiful porcelain skin painting for the gods and I think, "I could recreate that look" but you know what? I can't. I never will be able to because my skin tone is not like that, my facial features are not molded into an European point. I have high round cheekbones, my skin is darker above my lips and on the sides of my face, and my lids are much more purple than my face. But do you ever read make-up tips about how to counter act that? Hardly. Maybe a "special" on make-up for different ethnicity but even that is inadequate because there is not just one type of black face. In most make-up ads you'll see the same women over and over, Beyonce, Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez and Queen Latifah, as if in order to be considered beautiful as a brown woman you have to be really fucking famous and rich. 

Okay so lets talk tea. 
Foundation is tricky, if you are trying to find your colour you will probably have to buy two, one for your dark spots and one for you highlights. Black skin, while high in melanine that keeps us looking so young for so long, also is prone to pigmentation issues. I, for example, have a skin tone is yellowish in the middle of my face and reddish on the rest of it. I have a mix of colours to make up my face, MAC concealer in NW30, MAC Select Cover in NW40, and MAC Studio Fix in C6.

Make-up artist Priscillano shows just how different the shades can be

Foundation is your friend. It is. But you've got to be honest with yourself, it doesn't matter how much concealer you use, you are not white. You may have Native American in you but that was generations ago. Often I see many women who use a completely different foundation than what they need. Work with your skin tone to compliment it, not against it to hide it.  
Concealer, as miraculous as it is, is to be used sparingly. Find one that is two shades lighter than your natural skin tone and the same colour temperature than your foundation. Skin tones for people of colour are usually reddish or yellow and if you have darker skin you might even have a blue/purpleish tone to your skin.

Powder is a little tougher, you don't want something that makes you look ashy but you need something that blends into your skin. What many people don't know is how sensitive black skin is. Often times if you have had acne you get scars and these scars don't fade, they stay as dark marks on your skin, this is called hyperpigmentaion and is very common. Some black women will use fade cream but I would think twice about this. Most fade creams have been linked to burns, skin irritation and nonuniform skin pigmentation and can we all talk about how fucked up it is? We live in a world that prefers light skin. Dark skin is linked to all sorts of prejudice and injustices, people believe that dark skin is ugly and unattractive and we carry around these thoughts about our own skin and it turns into self hate. Your skin is your skin and this history of preference for light skin is bullshit that humans made up to exclude a certain group of people. Your skin is just the wrapper for the delicious person you are on the inside, we may not get to decide our wrapper but it doesn't change who we are on the inside. 

Instead of using bleach creams or other bullshits try a moisturizer than evens skin tone. I use Ambi moisturizer for several years and it has evened out my skin greatly. The great thing about Ambi is that is is specifically designed for people of colour.
Okay back to powder! Neutral or "colourless" powders often make you look very chalky and ashy. You should find a powder that matches your foundation or your natural skin tone. 
Blushes - most white make-up artists will tell you that you should stick to browns and bronze blushes because reds/oranges/pinks look unnatural on brown skin. Bullshit. You can use reds, pinks, oranges, purples, browns but you should just pay attention to your natural tone. If your skin is yellow based avoid anything orange based, if your skin is reddish or blue/purple try a bronze or copper shade. I use a brown blush under my cheekbones as a contour and pink on the apples of my cheek for a glowing look. Tint blushes are also good for just getting a flush of colour and melting into the skin. You see white people use blush to give their skin come sort of colour but you already have colour babe! Blush is not that necessary for your look since your beautiful, naturally tanned skin makes you look healthy and bright. 
Eye shadow is hit or miss, most of them are absolute shit. So many of them barely show up or if they do show up, they show up pale or ashy and that's not good. Look for eyeshadows that have pigments in them, for intense pops of colour. I'm going through a make-up book that-shall-not-be-named, that says that bright colours shouldn't be used on brown skin.  Ring Ring. Hello? No. The beauty of brown skin is that we can go bright and it complements our deep skin tone. Where as pale skin might look over the top with a bright yellow liner and black mascara, brown girls can pull it off. With neons so popular this season go bright, don't just stick to neutrals. Anyone that says you should stick to neutrals is a hater and should kick rocks with no socks just flip flops. 

Here are my recommendations for make-up:
MAC cosmetics - great lipsticks, foundations, concealers, everything!
Urban Decay - great eyeshadows
Illamasqua  - great all around
 Cover Girl Queen Collection  - good for foundation on a budge
Iman Cosmetics  - good for foundations 
Nars - great blushes 
Black Opal -good foundations
Clinque - good skincare
bareMinerals - great foundation, powders, concealers
Bobby Brown- good foundations
Kat Von D - good eyeshadows and lipsticks
LORAC - good foundations
Make Up Forever - great all around make-ups
Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics - great lipglosses and eyeshadows
Smashbox - good skincare 
Milani - products just for dark skin

Here are some I would NOT recommend:
Anna Sui -boo
Benefit - blah
Too Face - no thank you
Tarina Tarintino - too bad
Stila - nope
Elf - nein

Here is a video from Destiny Godley for a look with bright eyes and lips

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Friday, May 10, 2013

Party Like: The Great Gatsby

This Friday is the American release of the movie The Great Gatsby. Grab your highballs, clutch your pearls and cut your hair into a bob! Cause nobody parties like Gatsby! Directed by Baz Lurhmann, notable for his films Moulin Rouge & Romeo + Juliet (two of my faves!). It stars Leo Dicaprio, Joel Edgerton, Isla Fisher, Tobey Maguire, and Carey Mulligan and is the tragic story of Jay Gatsby, a newly rich man who desperately wants to regain what he lost in the past. If you haven't seen the trailer, take a look at the amazing visuals and dynamic cast.

 So how can you party like Gatsby? You can't. Because you are poor. But you can have a Gatsby themed party! Okay so the 1920's was about decadence it was about too much, it was about gin and champagne and pearls and suits and too much and too much and more much. It was a great time! Start with some great jazz music, Louis Armstrong, Jelly Roll Morton, Duke Ellington, or maybe you could play The Great Gatsby soundtrack straight from soundcloud.

Dressing up is half the fun so go all out. Now we have all been to those cheesy 20's parties where somehow people have the reduced the 20's to gangsters and flappers but the fashion was so much more than that. For example Clara Bow, Louise Brooks, Marion Davies, google em!

Pastels, silks, golds, gemstones, long-loose-languid gowns that dripped to the floor and finger waves glued to the scalp. Heavy lids painted nearly black or long eyelashes to look as lost and helpless as your favorite ingenue in the moving pictures.

 For men it was all about the pinstripe suit and even if you can't pull that off, a nice black or grey double breasted suit with white stiff collar and lightly patterned tie, (bonus points for the matching vest) hair slicked back and shoes shiny and pointed.

Okay onto the most important part of your party, the booze! During this era was the prohibition movement, that made the selling of liquor illegal, which made the consumption of liquor sky rocket! People, particularly the rich, would drown themselves in black market acquired booze and drink like they didn't know when they could drink again! The cocktail was made during this time to mask the horrible taste of bootleg, bathtub liquor and to make it look like you were just having a nice, legal, drinky-poo.
Here are a few recipes popular in the 1920's.
The Bronx Recipe 
  • 2 oz gin 
  • 1/2 oz dry vermouth 
  • 1/2 oz sweet vermouth 
  • 1 oz fresh orange juice

  • 1 1/2 ounces Cognac 
  • 1 ounce Cointreau 
  • 1/2 ounce fresh lemon juice
Pour all ingredients into a cocktail shaker filled with ice and shake for about 15 seconds. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. If you’re feeling fancy, you can rim the glass with sugar or garnish with a lemon twist.

The Bee's Knees 
  • 2 parts Gin 
  • 1 part honey syrup 
  • 1 part lemon juice 
Combine ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake well (10 – 20 seconds). Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with a lemon spiral

  • 2 1/2 oz gin 
  • 1/2 oz dry vermouth 
  • 1 green olive or lemon twist for garnish 
  • Orange or Angostura bitters (optional) 
Pour the ingredients into a mixing glass filled with ice cubes. Stir for 30 seconds. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Add a dash of orange or Angostura bitters if desired Garnish with the olive or lemon twist.

If you're looking for games to play, set up croquet on the lawn, or have a Charleston dance off, have a photobooth set up and take some black and white photos, or play bingo!
 Here is a video by Robert Kolodny from the House of Nod from the Annual Jazz Age Lawn Party held in Governor's Island in NY. Hopefully this will inspire you, the voice over is even from The Great Gatsby!

Thursday, May 9, 2013

How to Pose Like a Cute Anime Girl

If you're a kawaii magical girl in training like me, you need to know how to do some kawaii ass poses. The next time an evil nega-slime monster tries to capture you in a pseudo hardcore bondage montage, you'll be ready for his bitch ass with one of these ridiculously cute poses, courtesy of Venus Angelic. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

How to be a Mysterious Girl

Recently on my tumblr dashboard LarvelHex posted a link from Wikihow that I feel is pertinent to my followers. Titled "How to be a Mysterious Girl" it is a guide to becoming just that, and we all need to start living our lives like this IMMEDIATELY.

Who is this woman? She is so mysterious she wears a v-neck like a scarf!

Some girls out there want to be mysterious and others not. But if you want to be mysterious, this article will tell you how. Make sure you know who you really are. If you don’t know who you are, this will be quite confusing. Figure out…
  • Don’t act desperate or pathetic in front of people. And if you see your enemy or something then don’t let her/him know that you hate them
  • Try using big words people need to look up after your conversation.
  • Don’t let too many people in on your game of being mysterious or you’ll seem like a poser.
  • When texting, don’t use text speak like LOL. Instead text “That’s funny.” It may be a pain, but it adds to the mystery, and people will take it more seriously.
  • Know why you want to be mysterious. Is this a game you are playing with yourself, or are you just playing it safe and finding a way to distance yourself from others?
  • The trick is to stand out by blending in. That means that you will be recognized as having that unique, mysterious personality by not being bold.
  • Learning an instrument makes you a more interesting person and will make people wonder what else you can do that they don’t know about. Preferably guitar or piano. Do not play any teen pop or that kind of music. Songs by Nirvana, Rolling Stones, Queen, Guns ‘n Roses and other artists alike are the way to go. Classical music can be used for piano as well.
  • Try quietly singing to yourself at appropriate times. Something sweet and light…flowy.
  • Never ever snub anyone. If someone talks to you when you planned to talk to another group, keep the conversation short and sweet.
  • Read poetry, whenever you’re alone and have some time.
  • Try to not be stereotyped as “mysterious”. As weird as that may sound, once you’re stereotyped that way, your “mystery” won’t be all that mysterious.
  • You may be classed as moody.
  • Being too mysterious could make people — especially your parents — think that you’re up to something not good. Keep it low, and don’t go overboard.
  • Some people may view you saw “weird”. Don’t take this offensively, take it as a compliment.
  • Being mysterious doesn’t mean you can’t have friends. You can have a bunch of friends and still be mysterious. It all depends on how you do it (as in: present yourself).
  • People could start thinking you don’t like them anymore and stop bothering you and ignore you and move on even


Sunday, May 5, 2013

Girl's Guide to Pegging

Pegging is a sexual practice in which a woman penetrates a man's anus with a strap-on dildo.

The name of which was invented from a winning entry on Dan Savages' Savage Love column when it was discovered that there was no term for that act. The fact that there has never been a word for this act until 2001 is a crime, a damn crime!
We live in a society that is still largely sexist, patriarchal and homophobic and the idea of a man enjoying being penetrated is considered to be a "deviance" from normal sexual activity  But who established these standards of what is normal for a man to enjoy? Surely most people know the pleasure a man can derive from stimulating his prostate, resulting in intense orgasms comparative to a clitoral orgasm. What? They don't? Well now they do!

oh yeah, right there baby: the sweet spot

Placing a finger inside of the anus, and massaging the prostate to the point of orgasm is known as hitting the "male g-spot". To some, the idea of fingering a man or fucking him with a strap on goes straight against our ideas of masculinity and we begin to question ourselves. Women often think that if a man enjoys this sort of activity that he must be gay or a little gay or maybe bicurious. We tend to define men not by their sexual pleasure but by their sexual performance and separate the man from his penis. His penis is hard, he is turned on. and sex is an external pleasure, something that is done onto someone else. But when he is penetrated, he has to be relaxed, turned-on, comfortable and in touch with his body enough to know what hurts or what feels good. Sex is no longer external, but internal and tied to his emotions, sensations and temperament.
Oh shit. Sex just got real.

Why is the position of a woman insulting to a man's masculinity? 

I have a theory that if men knew how it feels to be penetrated, how much getting turned on and relaxed enough to be penetrated they would a) take more time for foreplay and b) be less likely to be forceful with a girl. But who am i kidding? Dudes would probably just identify it with their own pleasure and continue to treat us women as tools for their own uses. Haha! Male privilege!

 But the fact that we even have a word for pegging now a days should be evidence that there is a shift in our cultural mindsets. The fact that we can even have a conversation about this is proof that we are beginning to change as a culture, perhaps we are becoming less homophobic, maybe we are becoming more equal. Or maybe men are becoming more stable in their ideas of what masculinity is to them. I hope the answer is somewhere between all three.

Men who engage in pegging, are more confident in their sexual identity and masculinity because they have confronted the ideas of what it means to be a man, instead of hiding or avoiding it and never allowing themselves the room to understand themselves. It may come as a surprise that having a prostate massage doesn't diminish their lust for woman, but only deepens their appreciate for what they do. There is this idea that penetration is an act of power, that the person receiving is the inferior and that if you switch roles, it is emasculating a man. 
A book written about this topic titled "The Ulitmate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and their Partners" written by Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian says on the subject of power and dominance, "The idea that penetration is an act of dominance is almost certainly tied in to sexism and the notion that the woman's role is inferior. Plenty of men have absorbed these ideas at a subconscious level. Even if a man doesn't think it is an act of dominance when he penetrates his (male or female) partner, he may still hesitate to switch roles because he is afraid that it will mean losing his masculinity if he takes a turn catching instead of pitching... Quite a few women discover that they've absorbed judgments about how men, especially their partners, should behave." 
The belief that men have about being pegged is one that I see in a lot of porn. The woman dons the strap-on and she's powerful dominatrix bent on destroying his ass with her monster black cock. She is punishing him for some insignificant slight by making him her bitch. While this may be a fantasy for many men, the idea that women want to fuck men to "get revenge" on them is based in our sexist mentaliy. Men fear that women will treat them like how they have treated women and can't come from a place of mutual pleasure, that a woman can't possibly enjoy having sex with her boyfriend for his pleasure (because men don't have sex with us for anything but their own pleasure). Glickman and Emirzian say, "There's a common myth that anal sex only hurts the receiver...We suspect this is also why some straight guys may fear that their female partners want to penetrate them not for mutual pleasure, but as some kind of passive-aggressive payback." I hope this gives you some pause about this topic and open up the doors to discussing not only the inequality of the patriarchy but it's prohibitive cost on men's pleasure. 
Lets move on to actually pegging and some tips for it! 
  • Talk to your partner. Like really talk to them. Not any of this "Do you want to?" "Yeah I guess so" "Okie Dokie". No. Talk to them about what they are comfortable with, how far you will take it, what to do if they want to stop and how they feel about it. Talk about how you feel about it and assure them that this is what you want and you can't wait to try it. 
  • This is just like any other new sex act, take it slow, feel it out and don't just go at something without approval from your partner. Warm them up first, heavy making out, body massage, blow jobs, rim jobs, these are all good ways to get them in the mood. 
  • Lube. LUBE. You can never have enough lube. You need to be able to feel like your being sucked into the anus, not forcing your way in. Pain shouldn't be a factor, unless you are totally into that sort of thing. 
  • If you are going to make the investment into a strap on, then make a smart investment and put some money into it. You know what they say, 'you get what you pay for,' and you don't want your ass to pay for a bad set of sex toys.  A harness, a dildo, or even a double dildo are the basic tools for pegging, you can check out major sex store shops like Babeland or Adam & Eve for a great selection of toys. 
Babeland has some great articles on How To Choose a Harness and How to Bend Over Your Boyfriend. Check them out and let me know how your experiences are! I'd love to know my readers are having great sex! 

Friday, May 3, 2013


Do you remember the movie Jawbreaker? That classic 90's bad girl movie starring my favorite mean girl Rose McGowan. Well the creator behind it has a new movie out called "G.B.F." short for Gay Best Friend. Released at New York's Tribeca Film Festival on April 19th, hopefully with a wide release or a wider release soon. 


The story is about a new boy who starts at a high school and the popular girls who vie for the chance to have their very own  latest accessory, a G.B.F. The story centers on the lives of two gays boys and their identity not as stereotypes of what gay people are supposed to be but, of the kind of men that they are developing into. 
Did I mention this movie has Evanna Lynch in it? No? Well it fucking does! 
Take a look at the behind the scenes and cross your fingers for it to come to a theater or art house near you! 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Janelle Monae's NEW Music Video - Q.U.E.E.N. ft. Erykah Badu

If you don't know Janelle Monae by now, you've be in cryogenic sleep honey! Janelle is the leader of a new era of music and you need to get on board. Check out her new music video with Badoula Oblongata herself!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

When You are Bullied as an Adult

Recently I became involved in an incident where I was accused of doing something much worse than what I actually did. I realized that a certain person, who has a vendetta against me already, had set me up to look like I was guilty of doing things I didn't do. Since I was guilty of making one mistake, it didn't take much for people to believe I had committed all of those other things too. This person has been after me since I first met them, for reasons only they know, and has been unrelenting since that point. 
When they had their chance to take me down, they did, with speed and devastation, that is honestly, a little impressive. I was impressed at the depths to which this person went to, to try and hurt me. And it really did hurt. It hurt me deeply. I had a meeting with two people of staff, who reprimanded me, condemned me, called me a liar, entitled, an exaggerator, and a bully. This continued for over an hour, mentioning my actual mistake only in passing. I even choked up in the middle of the meeting but they did not stop their attack. It was devastating to me, and took several days to recover from. But after some time I began to think, less about me and my hurt feelings and more about what had been committed. These people had railed against me, unjustifiably, on the word of someone who has been on a campaign to ruin my reputation for a whole year. 
And this wasn't fair. 
I apologized, took my punishment, quit my job, and promised to never come back to that place. 
But this isn't fair. 
This person is going to get away with what they've put me through for about a year and will continue to do this to people for probably their entire life. Or, maybe not. I have scheduled an appointment with my dean, their boss, and the vice president of the school and also an ombudsman to talk about my options and the next course of action, of which there will be one. 
In situations like this it can be hard to navigate. When we are children we are taught not to bully and now a days there are so many anti-bullying messages going on the internet and television. But it doesn't stop after you turn 18, there are bullies in the workplace, in college, you could even be dating or even married to a bully. Being pushed around is not okay, being manipulated is not okay, being intimidated is not okay and no one should have that power over you. 
As adults we don't cry, we stuff things down or try to rationalize about what we are experiencing, or convince ourselves that we have to go through this to not cause waves (like I did), but it's more than that. This person is taking away your dignity, your sense of self, and your power and no one NO ONE should have that power over you. 
Stand up for yourself. You've got to. There's no way around it. But adults, unlike children, are capable of hurting you in ways that are much more detrimental so you have to be smart. What are your resources? Who has authority over this person? Who could you report to that will not make it back to them? How could you make sure that you won't be caught up in their vindictive drama? Do you have a record of their treatment? Document incidents that you could use in your favor. 
If you are constantly doing something for this person because you are intimidated by them, stop, you've got to stop. Avoid them, tell them you have other things to do, or better yet, tell them you are done being used and break it off. Don't apologize, don't make up an excuse, you don't owe that to them, and stand tall with your chin high and stare right into their eyes. You don't owe them anything, it's your decision to change your mind and they should respect that. But they probably won't, because bullies are people who lack respect.
Be consistent, you can't be firm with them once and never again. Like a child or a dog, bullies won't respect you if you don't stand your ground every time. Don't let them get away with things no matter how small, call them out on their bullshit and don't just take their shit. You don't need to stoop to their level but call them out on it, point out the flaws they wish so eagerly to bring out in you. 
This asshole should not have control over you, your life and your decisions. It's not your fault, people have their own fucked up reasons to do the things they do especially when they are cruel and senseless. People are cruel to people who have something in them they either want or don't like in themselves. Perhaps this person doesn't like your strength and wants you to be beneath them like everyone else or they won't feel important. You shouldn't have to devote any more energy to them and they need to be put in their place.
I wish you luck.