The name of which was invented from a winning entry on Dan Savages' Savage Love column when it was discovered that there was no term for that act. The fact that there has never been a word for this act until 2001 is a crime, a damn crime!
We live in a society that is still largely sexist, patriarchal and homophobic and the idea of a man enjoying being penetrated is considered to be a "deviance" from normal sexual activity But who established these standards of what is normal for a man to enjoy? Surely most people know the pleasure a man can derive from stimulating his prostate, resulting in intense orgasms comparative to a clitoral orgasm. What? They don't? Well now they do!
oh yeah, right there baby: the sweet spot
Placing a finger inside of the anus, and massaging the prostate to the point of orgasm is known as hitting the "male g-spot". To some, the idea of fingering a man or fucking him with a strap on goes straight against our ideas of masculinity and we begin to question ourselves. Women often think that if a man enjoys this sort of activity that he must be gay or a little gay or maybe bicurious. We tend to define men not by their sexual pleasure but by their sexual performance and separate the man from his penis. His penis is hard, he is turned on. and sex is an external pleasure, something that is done onto someone else. But when he is penetrated, he has to be relaxed, turned-on, comfortable and in touch with his body enough to know what hurts or what feels good. Sex is no longer external, but internal and tied to his emotions, sensations and temperament.
Oh shit. Sex just got real.
Why is the position of a woman insulting to a man's masculinity?
I have a theory that if men knew how it feels to be penetrated, how much getting turned on and relaxed enough to be penetrated they would a) take more time for foreplay and b) be less likely to be forceful with a girl. But who am i kidding? Dudes would probably just identify it with their own pleasure and continue to treat us women as tools for their own uses. Haha! Male privilege!
But the fact that we even have a word for pegging now a days should be evidence that there is a shift in our cultural mindsets. The fact that we can even have a conversation about this is proof that we are beginning to change as a culture, perhaps we are becoming less homophobic, maybe we are becoming more equal. Or maybe men are becoming more stable in their ideas of what masculinity is to them. I hope the answer is somewhere between all three.
Men who engage in pegging, are more confident in their sexual identity and masculinity because they have confronted the ideas of what it means to be a man, instead of hiding or avoiding it and never allowing themselves the room to understand themselves. It may come as a surprise that having a prostate massage doesn't diminish their lust for woman, but only deepens their appreciate for what they do. There is this idea that penetration is an act of power, that the person receiving is the inferior and that if you switch roles, it is emasculating a man.
A book written about this topic titled "The Ulitmate Guide to Prostate Pleasure: Erotic Exploration for Men and their Partners" written by Charlie Glickman and Aislinn Emirzian says on the subject of power and dominance, "The idea that penetration is an act of dominance is almost certainly tied in to sexism and the notion that the woman's role is inferior. Plenty of men have absorbed these ideas at a subconscious level. Even if a man doesn't think it is an act of dominance when he penetrates his (male or female) partner, he may still hesitate to switch roles because he is afraid that it will mean losing his masculinity if he takes a turn catching instead of pitching... Quite a few women discover that they've absorbed judgments about how men, especially their partners, should behave."
The belief that men have about being pegged is one that I see in a lot of porn. The woman dons the strap-on and she's powerful dominatrix bent on destroying his ass with her monster black cock. She is punishing him for some insignificant slight by making him her bitch. While this may be a fantasy for many men, the idea that women want to fuck men to "get revenge" on them is based in our sexist mentaliy. Men fear that women will treat them like how they have treated women and can't come from a place of mutual pleasure, that a woman can't possibly enjoy having sex with her boyfriend for his pleasure (because men don't have sex with us for anything but their own pleasure). Glickman and Emirzian say, "There's a common myth that anal sex only hurts the receiver...We suspect this is also why some straight guys may fear that their female partners want to penetrate them not for mutual pleasure, but as some kind of passive-aggressive payback."
I hope this gives you some pause about this topic and open up the doors to discussing not only the inequality of the patriarchy but it's prohibitive cost on men's pleasure.
Lets move on to actually pegging and some tips for it!
- Talk to your partner. Like really talk to them. Not any of this "Do you want to?" "Yeah I guess so" "Okie Dokie". No. Talk to them about what they are comfortable with, how far you will take it, what to do if they want to stop and how they feel about it. Talk about how you feel about it and assure them that this is what you want and you can't wait to try it.
- This is just like any other new sex act, take it slow, feel it out and don't just go at something without approval from your partner. Warm them up first, heavy making out, body massage, blow jobs, rim jobs, these are all good ways to get them in the mood.
- Lube. LUBE. You can never have enough lube. You need to be able to feel like your being sucked into the anus, not forcing your way in. Pain shouldn't be a factor, unless you are totally into that sort of thing.
- If you are going to make the investment into a strap on, then make a smart investment and put some money into it. You know what they say, 'you get what you pay for,' and you don't want your ass to pay for a bad set of sex toys. A harness, a dildo, or even a double dildo are the basic tools for pegging, you can check out major sex store shops like Babeland or Adam & Eve for a great selection of toys.
Babeland has some great articles on How To Choose a Harness and How to Bend Over Your Boyfriend. Check them out and let me know how your experiences are! I'd love to know my readers are having great sex!